Self-Determination Theory. Find your internal motivation.
I was 13 when I started boxing training. I was a fat kid: slow, clumsy, and terrified. My coach wasn't going to give me an easy ride and, from the very first week, he made me spar with lads who had been training for 2-3 years. He said he saw potential in me that couldn't be wasted. I believed him, even though he repeated that to all the newcomers. He was an 80-year-old bastard, missing the professional sport. An ex-Olympian who, despite his achievements, didn't feel fully fulfilled in sports.
Every week, I was beaten, humiliated, and ridiculed.
You might be thinking: "What the hell are you on about, complaining about getting hit in boxing?!"
Although striking is an inseparable and integral part of boxing, sparring, especially at the beginner level, shouldn't be about abuse. As it turned out later, that wasn't the real abuse. It was preparation for what I was going to experience later.
It was the perfect scenario for quitting. Why didn't I quit?
Psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan proved that a person acts with full commitment only when three fundamental needs are met:
This is the essence of Self-Determination Theory (SDT)—one of the most important concepts in the psychology of motivation.
It's not about discipline. It’s about creating an environment that supports your nature.
What Does This Mean for You?
1. Stop forcing yourself – start understanding yourself.
Forcing yourself is acting against your own needs and emotions; the brain interprets it as external coercion. When that happens, dopamine drops and cortisol (stress) rises. The result? Exhaustion, reluctance, task avoidance, and eventually burnout or resignation.
Instead, define and write down your needs.
What do I want?
Choose only those that resonate most with your personality:
* Do I want to be the best in the world?
* Do I want to gain control over my own life and body?
* Do I want to set my own goal and direction in life and have my own reference point?
* Do I want to train mainly because that is when I feel a sense of unity with myself and my body?
* Do I want to feel that I have worked hard to be someone special to myself?
2. Build a System, Not Pressure.
Plan your workouts and nutrition so that you know why you are doing it, not just what you have to do.
A system is a set of repeatable elements that work even when you lack motivation:
* Routine (fixed times, rituals).
* Minimum plan (for when you lack strength, time, or opportunity, so your brain doesn't interpret it as quitting).
* Monitoring progress (Time/Distance, the heaviest weight lifted, weight/reps etc).
* Recovery and reward.
* Supportive environment (people, place, habits).
A system replaces willpower with structure.
3. Set the Difficulty Level.
Competence grows when you feel progress, not failure.
If every task is a struggle for survival, your brain starts asking: "What's the point?"
Take a step back, scale the effort. It is better to do less, but consistently.
4. Seek people who pull you up.
Relatedness doesn't have to be motivational WhatsApp groups.
I wrote earlier that I was beaten, humiliated, and ridiculed in boxing training. Although I come from a normal home where there was no physical or psychological violence, I understood, even as a young boy, that this was the only form of communication they knew. In their perception, it was also a form of motivation and mobilisation for action, which I myself began to practise towards them and myself. This translated into greater self-distancing, a lower threshold for pain, and less discomfort associated with being fat and insecure. Of course, not everyone is ready for this. It requires, among other things, understanding the reasons behind such communication, appropriate choice of words, context, or a longer acquaintance, but the essence is to find a way to learn from others, rather than taking offence and giving up.
5. Motivation is a side effect.
You don't have to seek it.
When your core needs—Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness—are met, motivation appears on its own.
Check how you can support your body and mind – by eating, training, and thinking in alignment with yourself.